If I ran the network, part 5

Earlier this year, I introduced a new feature, "If I Ran the Network," a series of TV concepts that would never have made it to the small screen without network executives screwing them up. If you have similar ideas, please share them in the comments section; if I get enough, I'll use them to put together a complete prime-time lineup for the fictional HBC Network!

One of the games we play, you and I, is to recast our favorite movies and TV shows of the past, using the stars of today. You see it on social media all the time: "If you were remaking [fill in the blank] today, who would you cast as [star]? We all do it, I think. Studios do it too, albeit with much higher stakes, and it doesn't often work. 

One of the risks involved in resurrecting a classic show of the past is to decide whether it wants to be a resurrection, keeping the new version as close to the original as possible; or a reboot, in which case everything—time, place, technology—is brought up to date, with varying degress of success. For example, the new verison of Frasier is, I would suggest, a resurrection, while the new Matlock is a reboot. And while it's important, if you're considering such a move, to choose correctly—resurrection or reboot—it's perhaps even more important, once you've made your choice, to stick to it. Don't backtrack, don't fudge, don't change your mind in the middle of the process.

When What's My Line? finished its original run in 1967, it wasn't but a year before the show came back in a five-days-a-week syndicated version, but make no mistake: even though the basics of the game remained the same, this was no resurrection; it was a reboot, pure and simple. Gone was the formality of the past; instead of panelists dressed in tuxedos and evening gowns and addressed as "Mr." or "Miss," we were now on a first-name basis with the celebrities, who now dressed in a much more casual manner. Instead of the urbanity (and verbosity) of John Charles Daly, the program was now hosted by  actor and veteran game show host Larry Blyden (after one year in which the host was jouranlist Wally Bruner). Gone were the wit and humor of panelists like Bennett Cerf; instead we got the much broader comedy of Soupy Sales and Nipsey Russell. Contestants no longer came on the show only to stump the panel; on occasion they would also demonstrate their line, if it was an entertaining one. As I say, a reboot rather than a resurrection.

I'm not saying this is necessarily a bad thing, mind you; Soupy and Nipsey were funny guys, and Arlene Francis was still on the panel. The syndicated version had a pretty successful run. It's just that it's missing what made What's My Line? one of my favorite programs in the first place, and it's not what I had in mind when I pondered what a new version would look like. 

First things first: nobody can replace John Charles Daly. I've said it before, and I'll say it again now: John Daly is who I want to be when I grow up. But a show has to have a host, and I always felt that one person who might have been able to pull it off, who could approximate a modicum of the urbanity and formality of the original, while maintaining control over the panel, was James Lipton. He was terrific on Inside the Actors Studio, he was smart and experienced when it came to television, and he was self-effacing enough to laugh at lampoons of his own propensity for pomposity. 

Just as John Daly had Bennett Cerf for a foil, James Lipton would need one as well, and who better to serve in the role than Charles Grodin? If he was half as effective as he was as a guest with Johnny Carson, he'd have been perfect; I also suspect that, like Cerf, he would have been very good at the game. The two women on the panel, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Robin Roberts, win their way on the panel through a combination of smarts and quick thinking; I think they both would have been very good while maintaining the sense of formality that I was looking for. And rounding out the panel, we have Neil Patrick Harris, who strikes me as someone who'd actually enjoy being on WML. There's our regular cast of characters, with plenty of room for occasional guest panelists.

Of course, neither James Lipton nor Charles Grodin are with us today, so my concept would require some retooling. Speaking of Frasier as we were, though, I could see Kelsey Grammer taking the place of either one of them; let's make him the host, though, since Frasier Crane wouldn't have settled for being a mere panelist. In place of Grodin: Anderson Cooper, perhaps? Jon Stewart? Dennis Miller? Piers Morgan, for an international flavor? 

Naturally, the network would never go for it. They'd want a panel made up entirely of stand-up comedians doing their routines, just fitting in a question here and there. Same for the mystery guest. No, I'm very much afraid that today's WML would be loud, crude, political, woke.  And forget the formal wear and means of address; nobody talks or dresses like that nowadays. 

The problem with a resurrection of What's My Line? is that it would be clever, witty, sophisticated, literate, and genteel. In other words, everything we aren't today. TV