The office is sleek and modern, with a massive desk
cluttered with scripts and a framed poster of a generic Hallmark movie: a
couple kissing under mistletoe in a snowy small town. MS. HARGROVE, a jaded
woman in her 50s with sharp glasses and a no-nonsense suit, sits behind the
desk, sipping coffee. MIKE, an overly enthusiastic man in his 40s wearing a
tacky Christmas sweater in July, bursts in with a thick binder under his arm.
MIKE
(breathless, grinning wildly)
Okay, MS. HARGROVE—can I call you Karen? Executive Karen? No? Fine, Ms. Hargrove. I’ve got it. The pitch that’s gonna REDEFINE Hallmark Christmas. We’re talking RATINGS GOLD. Emmy bait. No, wait—People’s Choice Award bait. Picture this: "JINGLE BELLS AND ALIEN SPELLS: A COSMIC CHRISTMAS CATASTROPHE!"
(breathless, grinning wildly)
Okay, MS. HARGROVE—can I call you Karen? Executive Karen? No? Fine, Ms. Hargrove. I’ve got it. The pitch that’s gonna REDEFINE Hallmark Christmas. We’re talking RATINGS GOLD. Emmy bait. No, wait—People’s Choice Award bait. Picture this: "JINGLE BELLS AND ALIEN SPELLS: A COSMIC CHRISTMAS CATASTROPHE!"
MS. HARGROVE
(sighing, not looking up from her laptop)
Mike, it’s July. We just wrapped the last batch of these sap-fests. And "Alien Spells"? Hallmark doesn’t do sci-fi. We do predictable romance with a side of fake snow.
(sighing, not looking up from her laptop)
Mike, it’s July. We just wrapped the last batch of these sap-fests. And "Alien Spells"? Hallmark doesn’t do sci-fi. We do predictable romance with a side of fake snow.
MIKE
EXACTLY! That’s why this is GENIUS. We’re innovating. Staying true to the formula but cranking it to ELEVEN. Hear me out. Our heroine: Brittany Snowflake—wait, no, better: HOLLY EVERGREEN. She’s a high-powered corporate executive in New York City. You know, the kind who HATES Christmas because her parents died in a tragic EGGNOG-CHUGGING ACCIDENT when she was a kid.
EXACTLY! That’s why this is GENIUS. We’re innovating. Staying true to the formula but cranking it to ELEVEN. Hear me out. Our heroine: Brittany Snowflake—wait, no, better: HOLLY EVERGREEN. She’s a high-powered corporate executive in New York City. You know, the kind who HATES Christmas because her parents died in a tragic EGGNOG-CHUGGING ACCIDENT when she was a kid.
MS. HARGROVE
(raising an eyebrow)
Eggnog-chugging? That’s… specific.
(raising an eyebrow)
Eggnog-chugging? That’s… specific.
MIKE
TRAGIC! Builds sympathy. Anyway, Holly’s played by LACEY CHABERT—obviously. She’s got that girl-next-door vibe, but with a power suit. She’s all about closing deals, firing elves—wait, no elves yet. So, her boss sends her to the quaint small town of MISTLETOE MEADOWS to shut down the local… um… Christmas Tree Farm slash ALIEN ABDUCTION MUSEUM.
TRAGIC! Builds sympathy. Anyway, Holly’s played by LACEY CHABERT—obviously. She’s got that girl-next-door vibe, but with a power suit. She’s all about closing deals, firing elves—wait, no elves yet. So, her boss sends her to the quaint small town of MISTLETOE MEADOWS to shut down the local… um… Christmas Tree Farm slash ALIEN ABDUCTION MUSEUM.
MS. HARGROVE
Alien Abduction Museum? Mike, if you don’t stop now, I’m calling the police. And an ambulance.
Alien Abduction Museum? Mike, if you don’t stop now, I’m calling the police. And an ambulance.
MIKE
(interrupting, pacing excitedly)
YES! It’s run by our hero, JACK KRINGLEMAN—no, JACK FROSTBITE—no, JACK KRINGLEMAN. He’s a rugged, single dad with a heart of gold and abs of steel. Played by… drumroll… RYAN REYNOLDS! But get this: Ryan as a flannel-wearing lumberjack who secretly believes in aliens because his wife was abducted by them on Christmas Eve.
(interrupting, pacing excitedly)
YES! It’s run by our hero, JACK KRINGLEMAN—no, JACK FROSTBITE—no, JACK KRINGLEMAN. He’s a rugged, single dad with a heart of gold and abs of steel. Played by… drumroll… RYAN REYNOLDS! But get this: Ryan as a flannel-wearing lumberjack who secretly believes in aliens because his wife was abducted by them on Christmas Eve.
MS. HARGROVE
Ryan Reynolds? In a Hallmark movie? He’d cost more than our entire budget for fake snow machines.
Ryan Reynolds? In a Hallmark movie? He’d cost more than our entire budget for fake snow machines.
MIKE
(waving it off)
Details! We can CGI his face on a body double. Or get his stunt double from Deadpool. Anyway, Holly arrives in town during a FREAK snowstorm—classic—and her car breaks down right outside Jack’s farm. BOOM! Meet-cute. She slips on ice, he catches her, they share a lingering stare while "Jingle Bells" plays faintly from a passing sleigh. And the tow-truck driver who originally pulled her out of the ditch? Unbilled cameo—ROBERT DE NIRO, muttering, “You talkin’ to me? …You talkin’ to Christmas?”
(waving it off)
Details! We can CGI his face on a body double. Or get his stunt double from Deadpool. Anyway, Holly arrives in town during a FREAK snowstorm—classic—and her car breaks down right outside Jack’s farm. BOOM! Meet-cute. She slips on ice, he catches her, they share a lingering stare while "Jingle Bells" plays faintly from a passing sleigh. And the tow-truck driver who originally pulled her out of the ditch? Unbilled cameo—ROBERT DE NIRO, muttering, “You talkin’ to me? …You talkin’ to Christmas?”
MS. HARGROVE
(leaning back, arms crossed)
This sounds like every other movie we’ve made. Except for the aliens. Why aliens?
(leaning back, arms crossed)
This sounds like every other movie we’ve made. Except for the aliens. Why aliens?
MIKE
Because it’s ABSURD! It’s satire wrapped in cheese! Okay, so Holly checks into the only inn in town, run by a quirky old couple—BETTY WHITE and MORGAN FREEMAN, because why not? Betty’s the sassy grandma who bakes cookies that predict the future, and Morgan’s the wise grandpa who quotes Shakespeare while fixing the plumbing.
Because it’s ABSURD! It’s satire wrapped in cheese! Okay, so Holly checks into the only inn in town, run by a quirky old couple—BETTY WHITE and MORGAN FREEMAN, because why not? Betty’s the sassy grandma who bakes cookies that predict the future, and Morgan’s the wise grandpa who quotes Shakespeare while fixing the plumbing.
MS. HARGROVE
Betty White is dead, Mike.
Betty White is dead, Mike.
MIKE
(undeterred)
Deepfake! Or her hologram. Moving on. Holly’s there to appraise the farm for demolition, but Jack shows her around. They bond over decorating a GIANT Christmas tree that’s actually an ALIEN BEACON. Subtle foreshadowing. Jack’s kid—little Timmy, played by that kid from Stranger Things, but with normal ears for now.
(undeterred)
Deepfake! Or her hologram. Moving on. Holly’s there to appraise the farm for demolition, but Jack shows her around. They bond over decorating a GIANT Christmas tree that’s actually an ALIEN BEACON. Subtle foreshadowing. Jack’s kid—little Timmy, played by that kid from Stranger Things, but with normal ears for now.
MS. HARGROVE
Elf ears? You’re losing me.
Elf ears? You’re losing me.
MIKE
So, opening credits: Snowy New York skyline, "Deck the Halls" orchestral version playing. Cut to Holly Evergreen in her corner office, yelling into her Bluetooth: "No, I don't care if it's Christmas Eve tomorrow! Close the deal or you're fired!" Her assistant—played by a cameo from Ariana Grande as a perky intern—brings her coffee. "Ms. Evergreen, your flight to Mistletoe Meadows is booked." Holly groans: "Small towns are for losers and lifetime movies."
So, opening credits: Snowy New York skyline, "Deck the Halls" orchestral version playing. Cut to Holly Evergreen in her corner office, yelling into her Bluetooth: "No, I don't care if it's Christmas Eve tomorrow! Close the deal or you're fired!" Her assistant—played by a cameo from Ariana Grande as a perky intern—brings her coffee. "Ms. Evergreen, your flight to Mistletoe Meadows is booked." Holly groans: "Small towns are for losers and lifetime movies."
MS. HARGROVE
Lifetime? That's our competitor!
Self-deprecating humor! Cut to the airport: Holly's luggage
is a designer bag stuffed with spreadsheets. Plane lands in a blizzard—stock
footage. Rental car skids into a ditch. Enter Jack: Pickup truck pulls up,
window rolls down. Ryan Reynolds with a beard: "Need a lift, city
girl?" She hesitates, but climbs in. Banter: "You drive like a
maniac." "Better than walking in heels." Sparks fly.
Scene two: Next morning: Holly at the farm. Jack's
chopping wood shirtless—in December, because hot. Timmy runs out: "Dad,
the aliens are coming!" Holly: "Aliens? This town's crazier than I
thought." Jack explains: "It's tradition. Every year, lights in the
sky. My wife saw them up close." Flashback: Wife (played by Blake Lively,
Ryan's real wife for irony) beaming up into UFO, waving goodbye.
MS. HARGROVE
Blake Lively? So now it's a family affair?
Blake Lively? So now it's a family affair?
MIKE
Chemistry! Montage time: Holly in heels trudging through snow, Jack teaching her to chop wood—SEXY axe-swinging scene. She hates it at first, calls it "barbaric," but then she NAILS a log and feels EMPOWERED. Cut to them baking gingerbread men that come to life—wait, no, that’s too much. Just regular baking, with flour fights and ACCIDENTAL kisses.
Chemistry! Montage time: Holly in heels trudging through snow, Jack teaching her to chop wood—SEXY axe-swinging scene. She hates it at first, calls it "barbaric," but then she NAILS a log and feels EMPOWERED. Cut to them baking gingerbread men that come to life—wait, no, that’s too much. Just regular baking, with flour fights and ACCIDENTAL kisses.
MS. HARGROVE
Accidental kisses? In the first act? Pace yourself.
Accidental kisses? In the first act? Pace yourself.
MIKE
Fine, lingering hand touch over the dough. Tension BUILDS. Then, the town festival: The Annual Mistletoe Meadows ALIEN SIGHTING PARADE. Everyone dresses as reindeer crossed with little green men. Holly scoffs, calls it "small-town nonsense," but Jack explains how the aliens bring MAGIC to Christmas—literally. Flashback: His wife was abducted, but she sent back a message via CROP CIRCLES saying, "Save the farm!"
Fine, lingering hand touch over the dough. Tension BUILDS. Then, the town festival: The Annual Mistletoe Meadows ALIEN SIGHTING PARADE. Everyone dresses as reindeer crossed with little green men. Holly scoffs, calls it "small-town nonsense," but Jack explains how the aliens bring MAGIC to Christmas—literally. Flashback: His wife was abducted, but she sent back a message via CROP CIRCLES saying, "Save the farm!"
MS. HARGROVE
Crop circles in snow? This is getting more demented by the minute.
Crop circles in snow? This is getting more demented by the minute.
MIKE
THANK YOU! That’s the point. Satire! Now, enter the villain: Ebenezer Scrooge McCorporate, Holly’s ex-boyfriend and boss, played by… TOM HANKS. But EVIL Tom Hanks, with a mustache he twirls.
THANK YOU! That’s the point. Satire! Now, enter the villain: Ebenezer Scrooge McCorporate, Holly’s ex-boyfriend and boss, played by… TOM HANKS. But EVIL Tom Hanks, with a mustache he twirls.
MS. HARGROVE
Tom Hanks as a villain? He’d never—.
Tom Hanks as a villain? He’d never—.
MIKE
It’s a stretch role! Oscar buzz.
It’s a stretch role! Oscar buzz.
Scrooge
wants to turn the farm into a MEGA-MALL for Black Friday deals year-round. No
Christmas spirit there. So, conflict: Holly’s torn between her job and her
growing feelings for Jack. They have a BIG fight when she reveals she’s there
to shut it down. She storms off into the blizzard—CLASSIC walkout.
Holly's phone rings: Scrooge says:
"Demolish it by Christmas or else!" She confesses to Jack over hot
cider. "I'm here to shut you down." He: "I knew it. City folks
like you don't get small-town magic." Storm out. Holly cries in her room,
looks at old photo of parents chugging eggnog—tragic backstory monologue:
"Mom, Dad, why did you have to compete in that contest? Ten gallons was too
much!"
MS. HARGROVE
Eggnog contest? You're killing me.
Eggnog contest? You're killing me.
MIKE
No, I'm killing THEM! Emotional depth! Act two low point: Holly packs to leave. Blizzard hits. Lost in woods, snowman visions: Parents as Frosty and Mrs. Frosty: "Holly, Christmas is about heart, not charts!" Song sequence: They dance, sing "All I Want for Christmas is You" but changed to "All I Want for Christmas is True Love and Aliens Too."
No, I'm killing THEM! Emotional depth! Act two low point: Holly packs to leave. Blizzard hits. Lost in woods, snowman visions: Parents as Frosty and Mrs. Frosty: "Holly, Christmas is about heart, not charts!" Song sequence: They dance, sing "All I Want for Christmas is You" but changed to "All I Want for Christmas is True Love and Aliens Too."
Rescue: Jack on snowmobile.
"Can't let you freeze. Even if you're a corporate Grinch." Back at
farm, fireside chat. Jack: "My wife didn't leave; she ascended. Aliens
chose her." Holly: "I lost my parents to dairy overload. We both have
scars." Almost-kiss, Timmy interrupts with Comet the puppy: "He
followed me from the crop circles!"
MS. HARGROVE
Again with the crop circles?
Again with the crop circles?
MIKE
Foreshadowing! Next day: Town meeting. The mayor, who just happens to be played by SAMUEL L. FRIGGING JACKSON, says, "Motherf— I mean, merry folks, we gotta save the farm!" Plan: Bake-a-thon with love pies to sway Scrooge. Holly bakes with Jack, flour fight turns steamy. Kiss! Finally.
Foreshadowing! Next day: Town meeting. The mayor, who just happens to be played by SAMUEL L. FRIGGING JACKSON, says, "Motherf— I mean, merry folks, we gotta save the farm!" Plan: Bake-a-thon with love pies to sway Scrooge. Holly bakes with Jack, flour fight turns steamy. Kiss! Finally.
But twist: Scrooge arrives
early. Bulldozers rev. Town blocks them with human chain, singing carols. Holly
confronts: "Tom—I mean Scrooge—this farm is more than land. It's
magic!" He sneers: "Magic? Bah humbug!"
Climax: Midnight, Christmas Eve.
Sky lights up. UFO descends. Alien Queen (Blake Lively in green makeup):
"Jack, I've found peace in the stars. Be with Holly." Beams cosmic
energy into the tree, which glows, saving Christmas. Scrooge's heart grows
three sizes—literally, CGI effect. He cancels the mall: "I'm opening a
charity instead!"
MS. HARGROVE
(rolling eyes so hard they nearly fall out)
Grinch rip-off. Disney will sue us into the next dimension Another lawsuit.
(rolling eyes so hard they nearly fall out)
Grinch rip-off. Disney will sue us into the next dimension Another lawsuit.
MIKE
Public domain now! Act two: Heartbreak and hijinks. Holly gets lost in the woods, hallucinates from the cold—visions of her dead parents as dancing snowmen, singing "Let It Go" but with Christmas lyrics. She realizes Christmas isn’t about profits; it’s about LOVE and ALIENS.
Public domain now! Act two: Heartbreak and hijinks. Holly gets lost in the woods, hallucinates from the cold—visions of her dead parents as dancing snowmen, singing "Let It Go" but with Christmas lyrics. She realizes Christmas isn’t about profits; it’s about LOVE and ALIENS.
MS. HARGROVE
(to herself)
Frozen rip-off? Another lawsuit.
(to herself)
Frozen rip-off? Another lawsuit.
MIKE
Anyway, Jack rescues her on a snowmobile shaped like a sleigh. They share cocoa by the fire, he opens up about his abduction trauma. Romantic tension peaks with an almost-kiss interrupted by Timmy bursting in with a PUPPY he found—abandoned by aliens, of course.
Anyway, Jack rescues her on a snowmobile shaped like a sleigh. They share cocoa by the fire, he opens up about his abduction trauma. Romantic tension peaks with an almost-kiss interrupted by Timmy bursting in with a PUPPY he found—abandoned by aliens, of course.
MS. HARGROVE
A puppy? Now we’re adding animals?
A puppy? Now we’re adding animals?
MIKE
Every Hallmark needs a cute pet. This one’s named COMET, and it GLOWS IN THE DARK. Subplot: The town baker—played by MELISSA MCCARTHY as plus-sized comic relief—is secretly an alien in disguise, baking pies that make people fall in love.
Every Hallmark needs a cute pet. This one’s named COMET, and it GLOWS IN THE DARK. Subplot: The town baker—played by MELISSA MCCARTHY as plus-sized comic relief—is secretly an alien in disguise, baking pies that make people fall in love.
MS. HARGROVE
Melissa McCarthy? Mike, the way you’re going, you’re going to need a loan from the World Bank to finance this.
Melissa McCarthy? Mike, the way you’re going, you’re going to need a loan from the World Bank to finance this.
MIKE
Cameo! One scene. She slips Holly a pie, and suddenly Holly’s dreaming of Jack in tights—like, superhero tights, but Christmas-themed. Wake up, embarrassment. Then, the BIG reveal: The Christmas tree farm is built on an ANCIENT ALIEN LANDING SITE. Every Christmas Eve, aliens come to recharge SANTA’S SLEIGH with cosmic energy. If the farm closes, NO MORE CHRISTMAS WORLDWIDE!
Cameo! One scene. She slips Holly a pie, and suddenly Holly’s dreaming of Jack in tights—like, superhero tights, but Christmas-themed. Wake up, embarrassment. Then, the BIG reveal: The Christmas tree farm is built on an ANCIENT ALIEN LANDING SITE. Every Christmas Eve, aliens come to recharge SANTA’S SLEIGH with cosmic energy. If the farm closes, NO MORE CHRISTMAS WORLDWIDE!
MS. HARGROVE
(sarcastically)
Oh, sure. Because Santa needs aliens. This is beyond clichéd—it’s clinically insane.
(sarcastically)
Oh, sure. Because Santa needs aliens. This is beyond clichéd—it’s clinically insane.
MIKE
Insanely PROFITABLE! Think merchandise: Glowing Comet plushies. Alien ornaments. Now, climax: Christmas Eve. Scrooge arrives with BULLDOZERS. The town rallies—carolers, snowball fights against the construction crew. Holly stands up to Scrooge, quits her job live on the local news (run by WHOOPI GOLDBERG in a Santa hat).
Insanely PROFITABLE! Think merchandise: Glowing Comet plushies. Alien ornaments. Now, climax: Christmas Eve. Scrooge arrives with BULLDOZERS. The town rallies—carolers, snowball fights against the construction crew. Holly stands up to Scrooge, quits her job live on the local news (run by WHOOPI GOLDBERG in a Santa hat).
MS. HARGROVE
Whoopi? Really?
Whoopi? Really?
MIKE
DIVERSITY! Then, the aliens ARRIVE. Big UFO lands, beams down Jack’s wife—who’s now the ALIEN QUEEN. But she’s happy up there, gives her blessing for Jack to move on with Holly. Poof! Magic snow falls, farm saved, Holly and Jack marry under the tree, aliens as bridesmaids. Timmy: "Best Christmas ever!" Everyone kisses under mistletoe. Comet glows. Roll credits with bloopers: Ryan flubbing lines, Melissa eating real pie.
DIVERSITY! Then, the aliens ARRIVE. Big UFO lands, beams down Jack’s wife—who’s now the ALIEN QUEEN. But she’s happy up there, gives her blessing for Jack to move on with Holly. Poof! Magic snow falls, farm saved, Holly and Jack marry under the tree, aliens as bridesmaids. Timmy: "Best Christmas ever!" Everyone kisses under mistletoe. Comet glows. Roll credits with bloopers: Ryan flubbing lines, Melissa eating real pie.
MS. HARGROVE
That’s… the end? It’s ridiculous! Aliens blessing a divorce?
That’s… the end? It’s ridiculous! Aliens blessing a divorce?
MIKE
Ex-abduction! Twist: The aliens are SANTA’S ELVES from another dimension. Mind BLOWN! Fade out on the couple, kid, and glowing puppy watching the Northern Lights spell "MERRY CHRISTMAS."
Ex-abduction! Twist: The aliens are SANTA’S ELVES from another dimension. Mind BLOWN! Fade out on the couple, kid, and glowing puppy watching the Northern Lights spell "MERRY CHRISTMAS."
MS. HARGROVE
Mike, this is the most psychotic thing I’ve ever heard. Hallmark is about feel-good romance, not sci-fi nonsense.
Mike, this is the most psychotic thing I’ve ever heard. Hallmark is about feel-good romance, not sci-fi nonsense.
MIKE
But that’s why it’ll WORK! It’s meta. Poking fun at our own tropes while delivering them. Plus, casting: Lacey, Ryan, Tom, Melissa, Morgan, Betty’s ghost, De Niro’s cameo—RATINGS THROUGH THE ROOF!
But that’s why it’ll WORK! It’s meta. Poking fun at our own tropes while delivering them. Plus, casting: Lacey, Ryan, Tom, Melissa, Morgan, Betty’s ghost, De Niro’s cameo—RATINGS THROUGH THE ROOF!
MS. HARGROVE
Don’t take this the wrong way, Mike, but do you have pain with these spells?
Don’t take this the wrong way, Mike, but do you have pain with these spells?
MIKE
(continuing, even more manic)
WAIT! I forgot the B-plot: Timmy’s quest to contact aliens with a homemade radio. He befriends a stray cat that’s actually an alien scout. Cat talks—voiced by IAN MCKELLEN. Gandalf as a cat: “You shall not pass… without treats!” During the bake-a-thon, cat sneaks ingredients that make pies levitate—comedy gold.
(continuing, even more manic)
WAIT! I forgot the B-plot: Timmy’s quest to contact aliens with a homemade radio. He befriends a stray cat that’s actually an alien scout. Cat talks—voiced by IAN MCKELLEN. Gandalf as a cat: “You shall not pass… without treats!” During the bake-a-thon, cat sneaks ingredients that make pies levitate—comedy gold.
MS. HARGROVE
(flat, pinching the bridge of her nose)
Ian McKellen is a cat. Of course he is.
(flat, pinching the bridge of her nose)
Ian McKellen is a cat. Of course he is.
MIKE
Scene: Timmy and cat in barn. Cat: “Young human, the mothership approaches.” Interwoven with main plot. Another scene: Holly’s transformation montage. From suit to flannel, city hair to messy bun. Music: Pop version of "Santa Baby" but "Alien Baby." Conflict escalation: Scrooge bribes the mayor—SAMUEL L. FRIGGING JACKSON turns it down: “I don’t do snakes on a sleigh.” Pre-climax: Holly’s big speech: “I came here to destroy, but you taught me to believe—in love, in Christmas, in extraterrestrials!” UFO arrival detail: Aliens emerge—little green men in Santa hats. Dance number: "Jingle Bell Rock" with laser lights. Resolution: Scrooge reforms. Post-credit scene: Comet beams up, becomes space dog. Sequel tease!
Scene: Timmy and cat in barn. Cat: “Young human, the mothership approaches.” Interwoven with main plot. Another scene: Holly’s transformation montage. From suit to flannel, city hair to messy bun. Music: Pop version of "Santa Baby" but "Alien Baby." Conflict escalation: Scrooge bribes the mayor—SAMUEL L. FRIGGING JACKSON turns it down: “I don’t do snakes on a sleigh.” Pre-climax: Holly’s big speech: “I came here to destroy, but you taught me to believe—in love, in Christmas, in extraterrestrials!” UFO arrival detail: Aliens emerge—little green men in Santa hats. Dance number: "Jingle Bell Rock" with laser lights. Resolution: Scrooge reforms. Post-credit scene: Comet beams up, becomes space dog. Sequel tease!
MS. HARGROVE
Mike, I need a drink. A very large one. Possibly intravenous.
Mike, I need a drink. A very large one. Possibly intravenous.
MIKE
Now, that's just the outline. Let me flesh out more scenes.
There's the subplot with the inn's haunted mistletoe—every time Holly walks
under it, she gets a vision of future kids with Jack. And the rival love
interest: Jack's ex-neighbor, played by Jennifer Aniston as a jealous baker who
sabotages the pies.
Aniston? Do you have any idea how many greeting cards Hallmark will need to sell to finance this?
MIKE
Dream big! We film in Canada, use real snow. Celebrities? Negotiate. And think of the buzz!
Dream big! We film in Canada, use real snow. Celebrities? Negotiate. And think of the buzz!
And that's not all! We can add musical numbers. Original
songs: "Alien Angel" ballad, "Mistletoe Mayhem" upbeat
dance.
Casting expansions: Cameos from Hallmark alums like Candace
Cameron Bure as a nosy neighbor. Or Elon Musk as himself, visiting the farm
because "aliens are real, bro."
MS. HARGROVE
Elon? Now it's product placement?
Elon? Now it's product placement?
MIKE
TESLA SLEIGHS! Genius.
TESLA SLEIGHS! Genius.
MS. HARGROVE
Mike, I don’t know how to tell you this, but…I really think
you need professional help.
MIKE
THAT’S IT!
MS. HARGROVE
(tentatively)
It is?
MIKE
(eyes lighting up like a malfunctioning Christmas tree)
A doctor! Get this: we need a scene where Holly’s having a full-on crisis of faith—“Is ANY of this real?!” So we bring in the town’s world-renowned, Nobel-Prize-level SCIENTIST-SANTA-EXPERT DOCTOR who runs the North Pole Research Institute out of the back room of the feed store. He bursts in with charts, an MRI of Santa’s brain, and a sworn affidavit from Rudolph’s nose.
A doctor! Get this: we need a scene where Holly’s having a full-on crisis of faith—“Is ANY of this real?!” So we bring in the town’s world-renowned, Nobel-Prize-level SCIENTIST-SANTA-EXPERT DOCTOR who runs the North Pole Research Institute out of the back room of the feed store. He bursts in with charts, an MRI of Santa’s brain, and a sworn affidavit from Rudolph’s nose.
The doctor who PROVES Santa Claus is real and not a delusion? NICOLAS CAGE.
Full National Treasure mode, hair flying, screaming “SANTA IS A LIVING SAINT-LEVEL ENTITY AND I HAVE THE DNA TO PROVE IT!” while waving a glowing vial of what is definitely just glitter and eggnog.
He does the whole scene in a lab coat covered in jingle bells. Oscar clip.
MS. HARGROVE
Of course. I should have seen it coming.
MIKE
So what do you think?
MS. HARGROVE
Do you really want to know?
MIKE
DYN-O-MITE, isn’t it?
MS.HARGROVE
(quiet, exhausted, staring at the ceiling like she’s praying
for a meteor)
You know what, Mike? Fine. Just… lean all the way in.
You know what, Mike? Fine. Just… lean all the way in.
Make the aliens turn out to be the actual Three Wise Men who got lost in a wormhole on the way back from Bethlehem.
And give Santa a cameo at the end—riding in on a flaming chariot pulled by eight cyber-reindeer with laser antlers.
Played by The Rock. Shirtless. In a red velvet thong.
MIKE
(eyes go saucer-wide, binder already open, pen flying)
THREE WISE MEN ALIENS!
(eyes go saucer-wide, binder already open, pen flying)
THREE WISE MEN ALIENS!
DWAYNE JOHNSON AS BUFF SANTA IN A THONG ON A LASER-REINDEER WAR CHARIOT!
GENIUS! PURE CHRISTMAS GENIUS! I’LL HAVE THE NEW PAGES BY TOMORROW MORNING!
MIKE sprints out of the office at full speed, sweater lights
blinking like a police chase. Door slams.
MS. HARGROVE
(sits in perfect silence for five long seconds)
…What have I done?
(sits in perfect silence for five long seconds)
…What have I done?
She slowly lowers her head to the desk.
Thunk.
FADE TO BLACK. TV
If you enjoy the content here and want to support my broader creative work, please consider making a donation at my Ko-fi page. Any amount you contribute helps me continue writing, researching, and sharing these articles and projects. Thank you!
No comments
Post a Comment
Thanks for writing! Drive safely!